Bombs Away

In my job, as a manager at a children's party place, I get a lot of stupid customers. Now, I know that in any customer service job, at least 75% of customers are complete morons (the other 25% is made up of veterans of the CS industry), however I feel that I get waaaay more than any other profession, except for maybe prostitutes.

The customers are so idiotic, it almost feels like they're trying to torture me with their stupidity. It literally feels like customers throw hand granades of stupid at me; Stupid Bombs is what I call them. Once you've been here long enough you can almost see the customers pull the imaginary bombs out of their back pockets, purses, or diaper bags, pull the pin, and then aim it straight at your head. The worst thing about these bombs is that they're impossible to dodge. Even if you duck under the counter right as they leave the customers' hands (which believe me I've tried), they still manage to explode all over you.

These bombs leak a horribly deadly gas that some how travels its way through your skin, and any other pore in your body, into your veins, up to your brain, past the blood brain barrier and straight to the middle of your brain. There, the gas not only suffocates your brain so that minute parts of it shrivel up and die, but it creates a build up, and after a certain number of attacks sections of your brain start to explode. I'm telling you, these things are dangerous.

Just today, a customer shot three at me, and then came back for a sneak attack, tossing another straight over her shoulder when my head was turned. I had barely any reaction time. I'm surprised she didn't knock me out. After working here for two and a half years, I'm surprised I still have my frontal lobe in tack.

I'm going to print out this blog and send it to President Obama as a lobby against Dumb Asses. They, and their Stupid Bombs, should be outlawed.

Are ya' with me?