Did I ever tell you about the time that I used lip gloss on my homework? I was a major procrastinator in high school. Not only was I a procrastinator, but I totally took school for granted. I took all honors and AP classes, but never went to them, and almost never did any of my homework. When I did do my homework, it was usually totally half assed, or invisible (yes, invisible. “Mrs. Adelson, I turned in that three page paper on Spain last week! I also turned in a whole semester’s work of journal entries… did you lose them?”)
Take for example my Senior AP English paper. My teacher (sorry if you’re reading this Mr. S!) gave our class this really inspiring prompt in an effort to broaden our horizons and open our minds one last time before we graduated, and being the total over-achievers most AP students are, move onto our Ivy Leagues, and overpriced private universities. The prompt was to research an “other”; a group of people who were so outside our own personal norm, that, other than this assignment we would never think much about them. Some of my classmates chose to write papers on obscure tribes in Africa or in the Polynesian Islands. Others wrote about Native American Spirit Searchers, and some even wrote about refugees who seek asylum in America.
I wrote about Porn Stars. Are you really that surprised? Didn’t think so. Right before our teacher had given us this heart felt prompt, I had finished reading Jenna Jameson’s How To Make Love Like a Porn Star, as well as How to Have an XXX Sex Life: The Ultimate Vivid Guide. (Super appropriate for a 16 year old AP student, right?) I wrote, the night before it was due, a very inspiring essay on the hardships of breaking into the adult entertainment industry, as well as the struggle to perform and stay on top. And I got an A, bitches.
Don’t think this was an act of a rebellious high school senior. No folks, this was just another one of the many ridiculous things I had done, and continue to do, in my life.
Back to that lip gloss project. Two years before the porn star essay, in my Honors Spanish 3 class, Senior Martin had asked us to pick a Spanish speaking country and put together a 3-5 minute presentation on the country, which included visuals (which… duh, means a poster!) Once again, the night before the project I’d had a month to work on was due, I was pulling pictures out of any magazine I could find to put together a project on Cuba. Once I’d amassed all of my pictures of Latin-esq super models, and cut outs of tacos, I realized I didn’t actually own any glue. I looked around my room, and remembered that I’d just bought a brand new tube of cherry lip gloss from the dollar store that I didn’t particularly like, and grabbed it from my purse. I then started squeezing it onto my cut outs, and sticking the cut outs, all slathered and cherry flavored, onto my poster board. That next day my presentation went great, I got an A, and that poster hung on the walls of my classroom for the remainder of the school year. I’m glad I never used that lip gloss. If it could cement paper to paper, think of what it would have done to my poor lips!
Maybe this explains why I'm so crappy at writing in this blog on a regular basis. I have a history of being a super flake. At least I'm able to admit my faults. So lets add this to the list of things I must fix... right under my Kardashian Obsession.
*While, all of these stories are true, and I was somewhat of an underachieving-overachiever, I do value all of the lessons I learned in high school. Where else would I have learned how hard it is to make love to your co-star with fifty people telling you where to put your tongue, or all the different uses for shiny lip stuff? The Girl Scouts, maybe… but who has time for that shit?
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