Eff 2009!

Good-friggin-bye, 2009. Just four more hours and then I'm rid of you. I can't wait to watch you go and for 2010 to march in. I have big hopes for 2010, at least, I'm hoping it isn't as dumb and smelly as you were.

Things I'm looking forward to (forget the "Best of 2009"):

1. Chelsea Handler's third book will be released in March of '10.

This bitch is funny, need I say more? Go read her books My Horizontal Life, and Hello Vodka, Are You There? Its Me, Chelsea before March 9th so that you can be up to speed for her next master piece.

2. I may finally get to graduate from college (maybe).

Hopefully I will have my diploma rolled up tightly in my fist by next December so that I can move on to graduate school. If I do that, I will be one step closer diagnosing your psychoses.

3. Possible move to the East Coast.

This is all contingent on getting that illusive diploma. Once I do so, I can attend grad school in Rhode Island or Maine or New York or something. Somewhere waaay on the other side of the country from where ever the hell I am now.

4. Another of the Twilight movies will be released.

Upon release we will be one step closer to ending the pandemonium that is tweenaged girl's, and Team Jacob shirts because, it will become painfully clear that JACOB NEVER HAD A CHANCE. Though, those Jacobers could save themselves the inevitable disappointment and embarrassment and just read the friggin' books...

5. No longer having to refer to the year as "Ohsomedumbnumber"

Gayest way to state the year, ever.

New Decade's Resolution (because lets face it, I can't accomplish anything in a year, its too much pressure):

1. Write in this blog more.

I know that you all wish I would, because you have nothing better to do with your lives, and mine is oh so much more amazing and entertaining than yours. I will try hard, just for you.

2. Listen to more Country Music.

Get your jaws off of the ground. I feel like country music will be great inspiration for resolution number 1. Maybe I can start describing my life to you in Reba's lyrics. It will, if nothing else, give me more to mock for your pleasure.

3. Pay off my credit card bill.

I may have to resort to prostitution or working a fourth job at McDonald's, prostitution before Micky D's, but, whatever I have to do, I will do. I want to end this abusive relationship with the creditors of First Financial.

4. Raise a plant.

Every plant I've ever had died. Even flowers, though they're meant to die, die faster at my hands. I'm not sure what it is, maybe I don't talk to them enough, maybe its that lack of water... whatever it is, I am determined to keep a leafy green thing alive.

5. Become Chelsea Handler's Protoge.

Chelsea Handler is my number one role model, and if, after finally graduating college I can spend some time under her wing, my life would be complete. I'm also sure this would benefit you, via this blog, so pull all your strings, interweb.

Ok, this is the last time you will hear from me for the REST of the year. Be sad. Miss me, but go bring in the New Year right.